70. I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. https://t.co/f7cD8Ng2AA. This is what we have to offer. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. Why would he do that? Quotes, 60 Confidence Quotes to Help You Understand Your Self-Worth, Golfer Tattoos His Dads Advice on His Arm How Those Last Words Help Him Focus, Time Flies: 29 Couples and Families That Mastered the Art of Recreating Old Photos, This Couple Bought and Revamped an Abandoned Laundromat Now Its a Thriving Community Hub With Free Laundry Days, Woman Buys 3-Year-Old a New Bike After She Finds Out His Was Stolen Only Later Does Everyone Find Out Her Real Story. Others see it half empty. George Carlin. 64. WebThis video presents the 30 best quotes from the legendary comedian George Carlin. It will not be with jack-boots. Fuck hope. Reverend Dr. Aiden (@SweetFnLucifer) May 21, 2022. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. ~ (George Carlin). ago Close joke from Blackadder that might predate this. George Carlin was born and raised in Manhattan, New York in 1937 and died in Santa Monica, California in 2008. I just dont have as many people who believe it. "I'm completely in favor of the separation of WebFamous Quotes by George Carlin about Politics. George Carlin 11. When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. WebTop 10 George Carlin Quotes. Now I feel better. ~ (George Carlin). First Words (@unscriptedmike) May 18, 2022, George Carlin said "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. Its because volunteers work for no pay. ', and 'Here's all you If they come back, set them on fire. ~ (George Carlin). This is the kind of shit youd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. Its what our system produces: Garbage in. Just a friendly reminder that George Carlin would despise and verbally disembowel the vast majority of pundits, public figures, and random idiots currently heaping praise on him because it's trendy. To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesnt need guidance from. 121. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Bruce Lee was raised Catholic and Buddhist. Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. The people are fucked. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbyinglobbying to get what they want. Read these quotes to gracefully enhance your views about it and make you reflect upon the essence of human spirituality! The previous statement is false. ~ (George Carlin). Several reasons. They will do anything for the unborn. The more we pointed out the foolishness of our "superiors," the more they kept us down. Im completely in favour of the separation of Church and State. Maybe its because he heard we have 18 delicious flavors of Classic Rice-A-Roni! Theres a humorous side to every situation. Lee did not involve himself formally in politics, but he was a symbol of diversity and the synthesis of "East" and "West." April 20, 2023, by Libertarian Country ", Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other peoples stuff., "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. 27 George Carlin Quotes For Freethinkers and Rebels, Skip our thoughts on George Carlin and jump straight to the quotes, 26 Voltaire Quotes Everyone Should Read Today, Bipartisan Bill Would Ban Children Under 13 From Using Social Media, Anti-Gun Yard Signs Are an Invitation To Criminals. And America is not alone with this sort of delusions. Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountains majesty above the asphalt plain. They should be giving their money to you. Do these people honestly think that God is sitting around picking out his favorites? He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. And a Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. 135 Notable Oscar Wilde Quotes on Writing and Life, 105 Frederick Douglass Quotes on Progress & Freedom, 55 William Golding Quotes from Author of Lord of the Flies, 67 Salvador Dali Quotes From The Surreal Spanish Artist, 45 Tee Grizzley Quotes from the American Rapper, 32 Jean Toomer Quotes from American Poet & Novelist. everybody complains about politicians. And they will readily admit to being awkward: Im such a klutz! But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver. ~ (George Carlin). Yeah the public sucks. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. They don't want to hear from you. If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. Laugh often, long and loud. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? George Carlin Its never going to get any better, dont look for it. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ (George Carlin). George Carlin Quotes George Denis Patrick Carlin or better known as George Carlin is a Grammy Award-winning American solo comedian, actor and writer. The real owners, the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions.And, now, they're coming for your Social Security. You know what they ought to do with churches? Electricity is really just organized lightning. No, that might be something Christ would do! The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate. George Carlin was no stranger to controversy. If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. ~ (George Carlin). Carlin passed away in 2008 of heart failure.With his sparkling intellect and caustic humour, George Carlin derided and criticized political, religious, cultural and taboo subjects. Political correctness is America's newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. He was a spiritual atheist as an adult. Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Never forget that Hitler was a Catholic. ~ (George Carlin). Never argue with an idiot. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. ", "Never underestimate the power ofstupid people in large groups. While breaking down these claims on political correctness, Carlin implements his own set of values. WebHere are some of our favorite George Carlin quotes on politics. Carlin was a cool guy; he wasn't racist, sexist, homophobic, or any other buzzword insult the P.C. The [], Characterized by a direct and lucid prose, uncluttered from literary devices that seek to please or entertain, George Orwell, was [], How many possible words and phrases are there to express love and romance? There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. They're all in favor of the unborn. Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. 51. If you're born in America you get a front row seat. Teach them to question what they read. If you love someone, set them free. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. ~ (George Carlin). Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. 58. Deal with it. If not, no matter." Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. To change your comments display name, click here. ", "Selling is legal. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. The status quo sucks. ~ (George Carlin). I dont vote. 95. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.. The planet is fine. Cant lie around thats their job! Toothpicks? ~ (George Carlin). ", "Here's all you need to know about men and women. Surround yourself with what you love. ~ (George Carlin). And far from staying to the safer path, he leapt time and again past the cliff of common wisdom, in the hopes of rattling us into questioning the way we live. 68. What do dogs do on their day off? I just dont have as many people who believe it. ~ (George Carlin). Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. I have as much authority as the Pope. Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". Feel free to indulge in the philosophy and comedy of George Carlin, expect to be offended at least part of the time. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. ~ (George Carlin). Maher is a liberal who has endorsed at least the last two Democratic presidential candidates. Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. A close adviser to President [], Led Zeppelin is probably the most epic rock band of all time. The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. The future will soon be a thing of the past. ~ (George Carlin). Thats the only thing keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. And secondly, I dont vote cause I believe if you vote, you have no right to complain. Follow the link for the full transcript, its worth it, but here are a few choice excerpts: When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. ", "I'm pretty sick of church people. Well where do people think these politicians come from? 23. Could it be everyone? One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Here, we bring you 27 of the best George Carlin quotes of all time. He Was Fatally Beaten by Memphis Police Now People Around the World Are Sharing #SunsetsForTyre in His Honor, 41 Daughter Quotes That Will Touch and Melt Your Heart, Monday Motivation: 36 Powerful Quotes to Jump-Start the Beginning of Your Week, 20 Most Inspiring Martin Luther King Jr. Former U.S. representative wonders: Can you keep an (Anthony) Weiner down? You have owners. They'll do anything they can to save a fetus, but if it grows up to be a doctor they just might have to kill it? The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. ~ (George Carlin). Religion. 21. For a man disappointed in all of humanity not sure he wanted to be claimed by either side. 118. They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. Its delusional thinking! I'm not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. Political correctness is America's newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. Why would God have a favorite country? The people are fucked.. Everyone smiles in the same "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. 35. One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. Carlin proved that mixing comedy with thought-provoking ideas is perhaps the only way to get people to listen. What's the fucking mystery? April 27, 2023, by Libertarian Country If God created everything, hes got a serious quality control problem. ~ (George Carlin). 106. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? March 24, 2023. We get what we deserve. 22. "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is I was a loner as a child. Being Irish isn't a skillit's a fucking genetic accident. Hes pretty clearly flipping off the left and the right. Results like these do not belong on the rsum of a Supreme Being. '", Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. Simple as it gets, anti-womanthey don't like them. 91. Electricity is really just organized lighting. ~ (George Carlin). Both the Left and the Right have been known to use his insights to demonstrate their own points. Overnight I became a sun-worshipper. George Carlin, in full George Denis Patrick Carlin, (born May 12, 1937, New York, N.Y., U.S.died June 22, 2008, Santa Monica, Calif.), American comedian whose Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television routine led to a U.S. Supreme Court ruling that gave the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) the right to determine when to These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away. ~ (George Carlin). Anthony Hopkins is a pantheist-Catholic-agnostic who believes strongly in God. Nobody owns anything. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans ready to step in and save the nation and lead the way? Who in fact did not even leave the house on election-day, am in no way responsible for what these people have done, and have every RIGHT to complain as loud as I want, about the mess YOU created, that I had nothing to do with. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language. ~ (George Carlin). Everyone smiles in the same language. ~ (George Carlin). ", "If you scratch a cynic, you'll find a disappointed idealist. This is the best we can do folks. They [Catholic teachers] would fall back on, Well, its a mystery.[2]. Two reasons. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money.[6]. Try spelling Evian backward. ~ (George Carlin). Some people dream of things that never were, and ask, why not? The poor are therejust to scare the shit out of the middle class. Fuck em. We haven't tried that for a while. 60. Its interested in its own power. When you visit the site, Dotdash Meredith and its partners may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. Some people see things that are, and ask, why? It will not be with jack-boots. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. Ice Cube may be engaging in a political kerfuffle with Democrats following the news of his latest partnership with President Donald Trump's administration for the "Platinum Plan," but the rapper and actor is keen on letting his fans and followers know that he is not necessarily banding together with the government, despite what the past week of headlines might suggest. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. ~ (George Carlin). Ice Cube and his political affiliations have been in the spotlight ever since White House senior advisor Katrina Pierson publicly thanked the Friday actor for his help in developing the "Platinum Plan" with Trump officials. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? Its because volunteers work for no pay. There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot. ~ (George Carlin). These bright quotes will inspire you to not to take things so seriously in life! Religion is like a pair of shoesFind one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? ~ (George Carlin). Everything He ever makesdies. 11. So I don't trust none of them.". 84. George Carlin Quotes The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. Germany lost the Second World War. The Kennedy Center posthumously awarded this year's Mark Twain Prize for American Humor to George Carlin. Trump's latest attack addresses DeSantis' overseas trips to the U.K., Israel, Florida's Covid-19 record, and polling support for the 2024 Presidential race. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. Nothing changed. The government doesnt care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? When I ask how old your toddler is, I dont need to hear 27 months. Hes two will do just fine. 34. 112. 81. Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. ~ (George Carlin). He was an outspoken, acerbic social critic, and what came out of his mouthcould be shocking or even sometimes vulgar, but often his railings against injustice or stupidity or corruption shone a light on some dark areas as he said things that others would or could not say. Goalcast inspires the world through stories. In America, anyone can become president. 87. In America, anyone can become president. Its never just a game when youre winning. ~ (George Carlin). One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. 105. Carlin left a wealth of social, political, and religious commentaryand most of it was highly critical. We are. ~ (George Carlin). If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? I dont have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. 100. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. 30 Best George Carlin Quotes The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. The planet is fine. Fortunately, fans of Carlin are not easily persuaded that everything must align with partisan preference. So I know that a little later on this year, youre going to have another one of those really swell presidential elections that you like so much. 1. And they own all the big media companies, so that they control just about all of the news and information you hear. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things.