Name six ways we're better than chickens See, nobody can do it! The planet is fine. They own everything. At least he's honest about being, Everybody knows by now, all businessmen are completely full of shit; just the worst kind of low-life, criminal, cocksuckers you could ever wanna' run into a fuckin' piece of shit businessman. As we saw from my piece on Louis C.K. That way, perhaps we can add our own special, obscene imprint to Christmas in Midtown.". This is the best we can do folks. It's not intelligent to stand around with a controlled fire sticking out of your mouth. You don't have to be a history major or a political scientist to see the bigger-dick foreign policy theory. George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. They don't give a fuck about you. So maybe it's not the politicians who suck; maybe it's something else. George Carlin Quotes. You ever notice that? From a distance so I can see it all. I feel that if I was figuratively dropped on the Earth and there was a political line, I would be just left of center. They don't mention anything about cursing a lack of candles. But he loves you. We are the embarrassed parents of a cross-eyed little nit-wit who at the age of ten not only continues to wet the bed but also shits on the school bus. Nine years ago today we lost not only one of our better comics, but one of our most vital and intelligent voices. The planet is fine. That's what's happening, and I can't wait for the sea levels to rise. He was born May 12, 1937, in New York City into an Irish Catholic family, but he rejected the faith. its only a symbol. A boring game for boring people. a few weeks ago, comedy at its best pushes our buttons and challenges our ways of thinking. Selling is legal. Guy with a fuckin' pipe! The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election. George Carlin, 66. 49. You see all, sooner or later. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, 2. You're reading a nice story, and suddenly the writer has to stop and describe the clouds. Put it in your pocket and go the fuck home, you're a winner! Everybody gets one swing. These people were given. Are these people kidding? The only country that could invade America is America! Well I'll go for a drive, you'll go for a ride. Here are 51 quotes from the late comedian that show him at his best hilarious, irascible and never satisfied with the state of society. Here's another question I have. 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Help me find some shoes I really like. If you take five white guys and put 'em with five black guys, and let 'em hang around together for about a month, and at the end of the month, you'll notice that the white guys are walking and talking and standing like the black guys do. TOP 25 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN (of 976) | A-Z Quotes An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. On Health Care: George Carlin Called It | by Sean Murphy - Medium Two to a customer, each item sold separately, batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final, allow six weeks for delivery. That's the whole purpose of recording; to do it beforehand! "Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails." George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet They own, and control the corporations. I gave up on my countrymen. Let's kill a beautiful tree that's been alive for seventy-five years and bring it to New York City. Its called dick fear! Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it. What do you want Him to do? They say rather than cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. 45. And the supreme arrogance? Everybody says they suck. "Hey! If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. Simple thing. No question about it. 2K views, 27 likes, 7 loves, 18 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dbstvstlucia: DBS MORNING SHOW & OBITUARIES 25TH APRIL 2023 APRIL 2023 No. And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. ", I used to be Irish Catholic; Now I'm an American. Never join a group that has a name. Is this the noblest thing that women can think of? If my car should be in such a position where I can't quite see what's going on, can't get a good enough look, I'm not the. But no, Dorko in the plaid knickers is gonna hit it again, and walk some more. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. You never hear them say "Jesus made me drop the ball." No. Offer good while supplies last. You know why? A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist. Any old orifice will do for Dopey. Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? They own all the important land. George Carlin I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. They'll get it. I have certain rules I live by. Then you become a baby, and then You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions central heating, room service on tap, and then You finish off as an orgasm. And besides telling you things you shouldnt say, religion is gonna suggest some things that you ought to be saying; Heres something you ought to say first thing when you wake up in the morning; heres something you ought to say just before you go to sleep at night; heres something we always say on the third Wednesday in April after the first full moon in spring at 4 oclock when the bells ring. Religion is always suggesting things you ought to be saying. The planet doesn't need that. I dont understand why prostitution is illegal. No cash? And they seem to understand what I'm talking about. We dont even know how to take care of ourselves; we havent learned how to care for one another. Actually, it's our way of saying, "Bend over just a little bit farther, so we can stick this big advertising dick up your ass a little bit deeper!". We haven't tried that for a while. There's a reason for this, there's a reason education. Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. George Carlin, 5. The rights and the rights of property. Let me get a sip of water hereyou figure this stuff is safe to drink? I leave that to others. And complaining about the politicians. Doesn't anyone in this country stop and LOOK AT THINGS anymore? Another George Carlin Quote. : Libertarian - Reddit 42. They try to divide the rest of the people. They don't give a fuck about you. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. Some of these one-liners included: "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. You're a winner!" A new two-minute spot from Pattern Integrity Films features a famous rant from the late comic George Carlin set against a devastating set of images of Donald Trump's America. It creates a hostile work environment. Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. Manage Settings Some people are really fucking stupid. Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. Men do it, women do it; can't be all bad if everybody's doin' it. If you live on this planet, you're guilty, period, fuck you, end of report, next case. Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? That is against their interests. George Carlin was one of the most well-known and beloved comedians of all time. I believe the government should step in where the free market fails. F*ck Hope. ", "Rockets And Penises In The Persian Gulf", Now, to balance the scale, I'd like to talk about some things that bring us together, things that point out our similarities instead of our differences. Ask an addict. It is one that we need to function as a society. Am I right? When did this happen; that we passed chickens in goodness? They own everything. The upper class keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes. Bullshit is everywhere. Yeah, the public sucks. Must be another one of those miracles.. Im talking about the real owners now the real owners. The rights and the rights of property. It's called "dick fear!" You might have noticed that I never complain about politicians. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. If a Kurd, after surviving bloody battle with Saddam Hussein's army and a long, difficult escape through the mountains, is crushed and killed by a parachute drop of humanitarian aid, that, my friend, is irony writ large. Dont just teach your children to read Teach them to question everything that they read Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, 86. Christmas Quotes For Mothers To Make Her Day, These 10 Quotes About Best Friend Love Are Perfect For Showing Your True Colors, 118+ Inspiring Christmas Quotes For Instagram That Will Bring A Warm Glow To Your Holiday Season, Mourning Your Dogs Death With Quotes From Rainbow Bridge, 15+ Rumi Quotes On Happiness That Will Boost Your Mood, These Rumi Quotes About Depression Will Bring You Comfort. Fertilization. George Carlin was one of the most well-known and beloved comedians of all time. George Carlin murders a conservative from beyond the grave. - Reddit It's ridiculous! Weve added years to life, not life to years. George Carlin, 6. While some of his views may not be popular among the masses, he does make an interesting point when it comes to government. Believe me, my friend. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language. George Carlin, 25. He was paranoid on his own. In fact, I regularly pray for serious, life-threatening rodeo injuries. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. If black boxes survive air crashes why dont they make the whole plane out of that stuff? George Carlin, 55. This is what our system produces, folks. It will not be with jack-boots. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension. George Carlin - IMDb Especially if it's me! It's supposed to imply thoughtfulness or intelligence. This ought to get the ball rolling; I'm hoping you people will take it from here. Because chickens are decent people. What's the alternative to pumping out a unit every nine months? Am I right? What we need is a king, and every now and then if the kings not doing a good job, we kill him. BREAKING: 100 days . Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. George Carlin, 45. And that of course was at the end of the Civil War. Are people's lives so bankrupt they sit at home looking at things they already DID? Youll never see the black guys going, Oh, golly! Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it because youve lost your identity because you now owe your allegiance to this thing thats bigger than you are and that controls you. George Carlin, 71. Enjoy! Skip the clouds and get to the fucking. Its interested in its own power. Fucking is legal. "Pre-existing", "pre-planning", "pre-screening" you know what I tell these people? The people are fucked! To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! A lot of these cultural crimes I've been complaining about can be blamed on the Baby Boomers, something else I'm getting tired of hearing aboutwhiny, narcissistic, self-indulgent people with a simple philosophy: "GIMME IT, IT'S MINE!" You know why? They own you. I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. Why did they decide that? Really? And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.". As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. 'Cause chickens are decent people. It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, 65. Now I feel better. In fact, sometimes you get the impression that theyre the only ones who vote. George Carlin is Back from the Dead to Haunt Trump in Devastating And then we want a toy and a gizmo and gold and we want shiny things, and we want something to plug in that will make big big big things for us And all that shit is nothing! In the first place, white people got no business playing the blues ever at all under any circumstances ever, ever, ever! Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. The government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety. 44. OK? I'm the first one to say it's a great country, but it's a. Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. What exactly is viewer discretion? ""Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Anyone who pays for vaginal jelly with an Exxon credit card. ""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. We got a war on poverty, the war on crime, war on litter, the war on cancer, the war on drugs. Carlin dropped out of high school and was stationed in Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier City, Louisiana in 1954 . No muss, no fuss, no risk, no obligation, no red tape, no down payment, no entry fee, no hidden charges, no purchase necessary, no one will call on you, no payments of interest 'til September. Whether youre looking for inspirational or funny quotes by George Carlin or whether youre looking for his famous quotes politics and education, its all here. If you burn the flag, youre burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad things the country has done. I don't understand why prostitution is illegal. Pack your shit, were goin away. Whether you agree with him or not, George Carlins views on government are definitely worth considering. Doesnt happen. You don't see chickens hanging around in drug gangs, do you? Religion is nothing but mind control. I believe the list of ten commandments was artificially and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. If the parent corporation doesnt want you to know something, it wont be on the news. Its like watching flies fuck! There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. It's a Divine Plan. Another failed mutation, another closed-end biological mistake. The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. I love that. They own all the important land. Famous Quotes by George Carlin about Politics, "In America, anyone can become president. And then, the one we always forget, because he was Bashful. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Name six ways were better than chickens. And just dumb enough to passively accept it., The government doesnt lie, it engages in disinformation., Im a loyal American and Im not happy unless I let the government and industry poison me a little bit every day., Government wants to control information and control language because thats the way you control thought, and basically thats the game theyre in., Bullshit is the glue that binds us as a nation., I believe the government should step in where the free market fails., Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them., A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does.. Apparently, were not ready for that! George Carlin, 72. Disgusting that people still make that argument that we can never cut defense but we can cut education. No nothing. BULLSHIT! It was in 1951, when I was 14, when grass swept the neighborhood. Religion has convinced people that theres an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. The Divine Plan. Hootie and the Blowfish are breaking up? High-quality, grade-A, prime-cut, pure, American bullshit. And I would admit, that somewhere underneath all this there's a little flicker of a flame of idealism that would love to see it all huish! We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. George Carlin, 79. 35. Knobs. Second, I don't vote, because I firmly believe that. ""If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. the government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. You ever watch golf on television? Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth Losing . The poor are just there just to scare the shit out of the middle class. The low end of the speed spectrum, I grant you, but there are coffee freaks. Because you have the illusion of choice. 10. This is the best we can do. If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor. Produced by Will Reid and Michael Simon Johnson. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary, it's our way of saying thank you. The best (and funniest) George Carlin Quotes on politics, life & death and of course the American government You kick the priest in the nuts and say, "Fuck you, Father, I don't do that shit" And you're out the door. 80% of a woman's fertilized eggs are rinsed and flushed out of her body once a month during those delightful few days she has. Uber is a mobile app that hails cabs for you. 225 different people in the Ronald Reagan administration have either quit, been fired, arrested, indicted or convicted of either breaking the law or violating the ethics code! I think that speaks for itself. It's nothing. Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that shit. To me, no person is a better example of that than George Carlin, a savage satirist and brilliant thinker who was just as much of a writer and a philosopher as he was a comedian. You ever watch golf on television? Bomb them!" ", Variations of this piece have also been misattributed to, "Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body". Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelet? Overnight I became a sun-worshiper. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity. Any woman whose hobby is breast-feeding zoo animals. 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And what can we do to silence these Christian athletes who thank Jesus whenever they win, never mention his name when they lose? "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.". He was a true outspoken man that we can emulate in many ways. Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. And there's no shortage of volunteers; everyone complains about politicians. BAM! The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. The people are fucked! George Carlin, 80. No, viruses, mold, mildew, maggots, fungus, weeds, E. Coli bacteria, the crabs. People are wonderful one at a time. The right wing's last line of defense on campus. The truth is, we don't have people like that.
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